my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
