So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
