I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
