There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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