I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
