It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
