I'm so fucking centered right now
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
