I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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