Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
