Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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