i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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