can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
