I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
