I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
