i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
