Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
