Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
