So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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