Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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