Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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