Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
