Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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