dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
