I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
