if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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