You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
