It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
