You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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