My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
