i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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