So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
