I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Randomize
