i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
