WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
