So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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