I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
