I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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