oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
