your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
