Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
