About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
