oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
