absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
