I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
whose parrot is this?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
