yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You're a disaster
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