I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My ass is underappreciated
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
