You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
