Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
