I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
