I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
